Minding Our Elders®

Studies indicate lack of oxygen to the brain could be behind many cases of Alzheimer’s

Why some elders develop Alzheimer’s disease and others do not remains a medical puzzle, but researchers are coming closer to understanding the process. An article on The Alzheimer’s Forum website reports on the results of two new human studies connecting loss of oxygen to the brain with Alzheimer’s.

Read more about hypoxia  - lack of oxygen - and Alzheimer's:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

 

The emotional side of moving mom and dad

Be it ever so humble, there’s no place like home. Our home is our castle - a shelter from the storm. These old saws and many more indicate how most of us emotionally view our home.  For most of us, the feeling is less about how large or how fancy a home is than about it being a place where we belong. Many of us, after getting out of the house we were so anxious to leave as young adults, still find ourselves lovingly attached to the humble dwelling of our childhood.

Read more about moving mom and dad:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

How much do adult children owe their elderly parents?

Today, we hear about the toll elder care takes on families as routinely as we heard the former dialogs in the 70s. Adult children are being faced with choices (or seemingly, assignments) they never thought about before. They are raising children or teenagers and holding down a job, when suddenly they find that their aging parents need an ever increasing amount of attention. 

Read more about how much is too much in parent care:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

How to talk about end-of-life issues

Sex and death. It’s odd that those two topics should bring so much anxiety to parents and children. But, there you have it. One – sex – is about the beginning of life. The other – death – is about the end. Both are a part of the life cycle but if anything sex is easier for many to discuss than death. 

Read more about talking with your loved ones about end-of-life wishes:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

What to do when a parent constantly complains

You've taken your mom to the doctor and she's upset with you because the doctor's office was cold. You've helped your dad with the yard and he's annoyed that you didn't mow the grass in the right pattern. Why do many elders complain about everything you do? Much depends on the parents' personalities throughout life. If your parents were the bickering type and were always negative, this complaining may be the only way they know how to communicate.

Read more about complaining parents:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

When one parent dies and the other needs a caregiver

Long-term marriages generally evolve into a support system so efficient that even adult children hardly notice changes in their parents. If Dad's hearing is poor, Mom becomes his ears. If Mom's arthritis is bad, Dad becomes her muscle. If one of them has memory loss, the other fills in the gaps so smoothly that it's barely noticeable to onlookers. Then, either Mom or Dad dies.

Read more about when one parent dies:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

It’s Christmas Day: are you enjoying it?

Many people are celebrating Christmas Day, today, December 25^th. Caregivers may find the word "celebrating" a little over the top, but try not to be too dismissive.

If you are caring for a parent or spouse who doesn't recognize you for who you are, that doesn't mean your efforts are unappreciated. Know that on some level, your love is understood. Celebrate that.

If you have rushed around like a wild person trying to make a perfect holiday happen for your family, well, today you are done, no matter where you are in the process. Celebrate that.

Read more about enjoying Christmas Day as a caregiver:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

Staying in the moment for the holidays

Dear Readers: As you read this column, you may be starting your Christmas day, ending it, or catching up on newspapers the day after your celebration. Whenever you get around to reading your newspaper, Christmas will still be on your mind.

A few thoughts: if there is ever a time to live in the present moment, it’s now. If your brother and you have an ongoing disagreement about how to care for your parents, try to forget the past and not think about the future. This is your sibling. Today is a day to celebrate an event much larger than family squabbles.

Read more about having a successful holiday season:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

Don’t sweat the small stuff: bloopers can add to family Christmas stories

No matter how well we plan, most of us have some loose ends to tie up Christmas Eve day, just before going to church or having the family gather at our home. The present that was ordered early and then delayed remains in question. Will it arrive in time? The fruit tray reserved at the grocery store. Will it be there when we arrive to pick it up? Probably more worrisome for caregivers is how their aging loved ones will make it through the family events.

Read more about going with the flow during the celebrations:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

The challenges of long-distance caregiving

The days when most extended families lived in the same town have been over for decades. People often move from the home town right after college graduation. If not, they may move later for a better job or to follow a spouse who was transferred by an employer. Whatever the reason, once their parents show signs of aging and decline, adult children can find that being a long-distance caregiver tugs at their hearts and their wallets. Where do these people turn for help in caring for their loved ones?

Read more about long-distance caregiving and the challenges one faces:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

Elders, Alzheimer’s and the holidays

Most caregivers want to give their loved ones the very best holiday possible. We tell ourselves that whether or not the care receiver can actively participate in the festivities, they should be included in the fun. I've seen wonderful events in private homes, assisted livings center and nursing homes, where delighted elders help caregivers decorate trees, wrap gifts, bake and do many other traditional tasks in preparation for celebrations.

However, we must be aware that elders, with or without dementia, may tire more easily than we realize. What starts out as a fun project can soon turn into a chore for them. If the person has Alzheimer's or another type of dementia, what you intended to be a joyful celebration can in reality be a frustrating and confusion to the elder.

Read more about keeping the holiday simple for everyone:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

In-home agencies need cell phone regulations for staff

Cell phones have become as much a part of our culture as cars. While cell phones are a wonderful convenience and occasionally a life saver, they can also be a toy and a distraction. Excessive cell phone usage has become a frequent complaint by families who hire in-home agencies to care for their elders. Every in-home agency should have a strictly enforced policy for cell phone use by their employees.

Read more about how cell phones can be used properly by in-home care staff:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

Husband’s refusal to bathe is wearing out his wife

Dear Carol: My 93-year-old husband has dementia. He’s worn the same clothes for a week and I’m sick of him being dirty and smelly. How do I get him to change clothes and take a bath? He’s having more incontinence problems, too. We have a bath lift chair and he used to be agreeable about using it, but now he refuses. I’m 76, and have my own health problems. Since he’s often up at night, I get little sleep. I’ve wanted to keep him at home, and hate to make the decision to move him to a nursing home because of hygiene, but I can’t cope with all of this much longer. My daughter helps when she can, but most of it is left to me. - Edna

Dear Edna: This is a very common, but frustrating, problem for caregivers of people with dementia. Not bathing daily isn’t going to kill your husband, but there’s a time when cleanliness is necessary for health. You also must have him reasonably clean for your own mental health.

Read more about bathing and Alzheimers:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

New ways to slow Alzheimer’s progression?

There are, as yet, no medications that can prevent or cure Alzheimer’s disease. Some people do quite well with current drugs that may help slow cognitive decline, but others do not respond well, or they have negative side effects. However, there’s some good news. A recent article on Science Daily reports on a study that shows that mental and “spiritual” exercises can significantly slow cognitive decline in people with Alzheimer’s disease, without any negative side effects.

Read more about mental and spiritual elements needed in Alzheimer's treatment:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

Getting outside help with eldercare isn't failing

Taking care of your loved ones means giving them the best care you can provide. Often, during the early years, that typically means your own loving, hands-on care. However, as their needs grow, the best care sometimes means you need to hire help to come into the home or arrange adult day care while you work. Perhaps it means they need to move to assisted living or even a nursing home.

Read more about outside help with caregiving:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

Alzheimer’s: the serious nature of wandering behavior

It’s been several years, now, but I’ve never forgotten the story. A then 58-year-old Minnesota woman had been diagnosed with early on-set Alzheimer’s. She was, in most aspects, still doing well. But one day she got in her car and drove west on the Interstate. No one will ever know why. She got stuck off a road in Wyoming, left her car and set out on foot. She didn’t get far. Searchers found her body not far from her vehicle.

Read more about wandering and Alzheimer's:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

 

Start early talking about parents' views on care

If your family is among the many that gather during the holidays, this time of celebration can give you the opportunity to jumpstart a conversation of this kind.

You are likely aware that bursting through the door Christmas Eve and thrusting this brochure into your parents' hands as you deliver your holiday hug isn't a good idea. However, tucking a few copies of the brochure into your suitcase could be a good plan. Then after the celebrating is over and everyone is reacquainted and mellow, you can start this important conversation with as little stress as possible. It's very likely that your parents would like to share their wishes with you, but aging and the attendant decline are often difficult topics to approach. Often, all that's really needed is a nudge in the right direction.

Read more about starting that essential conversation with your parents:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

Making hard decisions during the holidays

Butter was melting, onions sizzling. Seasoning looked right and a little taste told me it was time to add the dried bread, stir and start adding water. I was making stuffing.

"It's the stirring that makes the difference."

I heard my mom's words, her voice as strong as it had been when I was young, though it had been several holiday seasons since her death. My arthritic arms hurt, but I stirred away. Looks good to me, I thought. Would Mom think so? Several holiday seasons have passed since my mother's death, but she will always be directing me as I prepare holiday dinners for my family.

Read more about making hard decsions during the holidays:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

Alzheimer's and poor hygiene: a caregiver's dilemma

An often asked question from adult children and caregiving spouses is "how can I get my parents, or spouse, to bathe and change clothes?" I hear this question so much that one thing is certain - you aren't alone in your dilemma. There are several things to look at with hygiene problems, some of which have to do with the caregiver's expectations.

Read more about refusing to bathe and other Alzheimer's dilemmas:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

Tips to help elders and caregivers enjoy the holidays

The care needs of aging parents continually shifts. Often, that includes the type of housing they require. Many are able to stay in their original home with some help from adult children and in-home care agencies. Eventually, many of these folks need the security and companionship offered by assisted living. From there, some of our loved ones may move to a nursing home.

Read more about tips for helping elders and caregivers enjoy the holidays:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol: