Minding Our Elders®

Caring for An Elder's Hair Kindly

I'll tell you up front that I'm not good with hair. For the most part, I'm a minimalist. Alice had perms, but her hair still needed washing and a daily curling to arrange it nicely. Over time, and with lots of humor thrown in, I did learn a few things.

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Alzheimer’s Symptoms Often Manageable without Drugs

Alzheimer’s disease cannot as yet be prevented or cured. While there are some medications that may help some people with the symptoms of the disease, they have drawbacks. With this in mind, some experts feel that many symptoms of the disease are better treated with behavior interventions.

An article on newswise.com reports on the work of Johns Hopkins University School of Nursing (JHUSON) professor Laura N. Gitlin, PhD and her colleagues. These scientists are promoting the concept that if physicians integrate behavioral management strategies into early ongoing treatment, behavior changes can be controlled.

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Kids Want Dad to Hire Help for Mom

Dear Carol: My mother is in the middle stage of Alzheimer’s. Dad is her primary caregiver and it’s wearing him out. He can’t sleep because she doesn’t sleep. He’s worried about her wandering even though the house is secure. My siblings and I try to help, but we are all out of town and have jobs and families. Dad refuses to consider putting Mom in assisted living, yet he can’t continue life as he’s living it, either. We’re all worried sick that he’ll have a stroke or something while he’s trying to provide all of Mom’s care. How do we convince him to do things differently? – Tom

Dear Tom: Your parents vowed to care for each other until “death do us part.” Sometimes, people get so caught up in caregiving they feel that providing all of the spousal care personally is the only way to honor their vow. This is unfortunate, because in many of these situations, if the well spouse hires help to reduce the intense strain of constant caregiving, he or she can actually provide more relaxed, soothing emotional care for the loved one,

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Finding a New Life After Caregiving Ends

How Do Families Pay for Assisted Living?

The reality is that when it comes to assisted living, most families pay their own way. If the adult children have the resources, many times they will help out if their parents don't have enough income. This, of course, can cause issues within the extended family context, especially if some siblings are wealthier than others. How do families decide whether or not the children financially contribute to their parents' care, and if they do, who pays how much?

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Finding a New Life After Caregiving Ends

"PhotoVoice Project" Unique Way to Ease Stigma of Dementia

Available Drugs Could Combat Dementia According to Study

A study funded by Alzheimer's Society (UK) and led by King's College London has identified four existing drugs and one drug class which could possibly reduce the risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease or at least slow down the progression. The study is part of an ongoing drug discovery project that aims to accelerate the search for a cure for Alzheimer’s by looking at existing treatments. The researchers say that medications used to treat hypertension, diabetes and skin conditions could be doubling as treatments for Alzheimer's within a few years.

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Telling Your Loved One It's Time To Call Hospice

Our culture has historically been devoted to cure illness at all costs, and death is often looked at as "failure," no matter the age or condition of the person being treated. Many other cultures readily accept death as part of the life cycle. I believe we, as a culture, are making progress in this direction, but death still tends to be a word people avoid. If it's up to you to inform a loved one that he or she would be more comfortable under hospice care – or that a person they love will be on hospice care – there are steps you can take to get you through this difficult transition.

Read more about telling your loved one it's time to call hospice:

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Family Involvement in Senior Living Facility

...The nursing home staff would occasionally confide in me about families who "took over" the nursing home. The families came on like they owned the facility and their loved one was the only person who mattered. They cornered every staff member they could find and talked to them either with the attitude of a good neighbor who had all the time in the world, or as an adversary who needed constant monitoring. Neither attitude is good.

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Caring for Your Surviving Parent After Death of Spouse

The death of a parent is tough, whether it's sudden or a long time coming. The advantage of a slower death is that there may have been more time to prepare, however human nature being what is, often people don't use that time well. Of course, a sudden death can throw everyone back by the very nature of the shock. Either way, unless there is a solid reason to do otherwise, it's generally unwise to make changes too quickly, if they can't easily be undone.

Read about when one parent dies and one remains:

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Thanksgiving: Finding Gratitude in Caregiving

Caring for our aging loved ones can be exhausting, frustrating, demanding and time consuming. Since November marks National Alzheimer’s Awareness Month, we’re honoring Alzheimer’s caregivers, but November is also National Caregiver’s Month. Thanksgiving, as another November holiday, reminds me to think of ways that caregiving, tough as it can be, also offers caregivers a time to note the special blessings we’ve received when we are open to recognizing the gifts. After all, caring for one another is, in my view, one of the answers to “why are we here.

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Hospitalization of Elders and Dementia

Readers ask about the cognitive decline of a post-hospitalized elder. They want to know what happened. They want to know if their parent will ever be cognitively the same as he or she was before a hospitalization. I tell them that each case is unique, but according to many studies, some elders may not cognitively recover from the trauma.

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People with Alzheimer’s and Their Caregivers Fight back

One of the most heartbreaking aspects of Alzheimer’s disease is the feeling of helplessness that can overtake the lives of people diagnosed with the disease, and those who love them. Alzheimer’s disease cannot, that we know of, be prevented. For now, it can’t be cured either. Lifestyle changes and some medications may help some people stave off  the destruction of the disease for a time, but in the end, the disease wins.How do people cope?

Read more about how people with Alzheimer's and their families can fight back:

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Humor Essential Therapy Even With Alzheimer’s

Dear Carol: My grandfather has Alzheimer’s disease, so my mom shows me your column a lot. I love Gramps and would never want to hurt him, but sometimes he says and does things that are funny, even though he can’t help it. Also, when I help him sometimes things go wrong, but it ends up being funny because no one gets hurt.  I’m never disrespectful to him, but if I tell friends about something he did like when he told my aunt to her face that she was too fat, my mom gets mad. She says I shouldn’t laugh at him. I’m not really laughing at Gramps. I’m just telling a friend about a funny situation. Is this disrespectful? – Jody

Dear Jody: We all need humor, particularly during hard times. You aren’t laughing at your grandfather, you are laughing at the way his disease makes him blurt out words that otherwise would be filtered or behave in ways that can be amusing. It’s a matter of being clear to your friend that you’re laughing at the situation, not at your grandfather.

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Helping Your Elders Feel Special During the Holidays - Anywhere

Our heart's desire is to provide a way for our aging parents to enjoy the holidays, but their circumstances can make that challenging. First and foremost, however, remember that it's your presence that is the most important thing. That, and helping your parents to feel included in whatever way they can participate.

Read about how to make holidays special for your elders no matter where they live:

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Finding the Right Senior Housing for Your Loved One

Everyone has their own personal checklist for finding good housing for their elderly parent. We want them safe, well cared for and happy. Happy depends a great deal on the individual, but safe and well cared for should be part of the bargain. So, what do you look for when you tour a center?

Finding the right housing for your loved one's care needs:

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Know Your Hospitalization Codes or Risk Medicare Denial

Your mom has fallen in her home and you’re now sitting with her in the hospital. Nothing is broken, they said, but she suffered a back injury they want to monitor. They’d like to keep her in the hospital for observation. You say sure, why not? She stays several days and then is released to a rehab facility for follow-up care.Medicare pays for the first 20 days a patient is in a rehab facility only if the patient is admitted and remains in the hospital for three days prior to treatment. But, according to AAPR, hospitals are increasingly leaving Medicare hospital patients “under observation” without officially admitting them.

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Easing Loneliness in Elders around the Holidays

Elders can have an especially hard time with the holiday season. While aging and maturity can bring the wisdom of years for many people, there are inevitable losses that come to even the most healthy individuals. Many of these losses are emotional and social in nature. Spouses become ill or die. Other aging relatives and friends become seriously ill, or die. Neighborhoods change, often leaving even those well enough to remain in their own homes feeling friendless and isolated. The holidays can bring this isolation and a feeling of loneliness to a head.

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When Visiting a Loved One In Senior Housing Notice Vibes

Have you ever entered someone's home and felt good things about it even if it's cluttered or decorated in a way you find tacky? Most of us have done so. We find that a home can have an aura of happiness or lightness about it and we feel comfortable. Conversely, have you walked into a different home, yet felt the air was heavy and burdensome? Perhaps unhappiness or even abuse has affected the very walls of the home. Anyway, there's often something in a home's atmosphere that can affect us even before we really know the occupants.

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Keeping Your Sanity While Caregiving During the Holidays

...Prior to your dad's stroke and your mom's dementia, the busy season described above would be a "normal" Christmas for you and your family – rushed but still mostly pleasant. You still would have had the emotional reserves to enjoy the cuteness of your son's solo in his program, and the humor and time to write individual notes in your cards to friends.

Read about ways to stay sane when caregiving during the holidays:

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Recently Widowed Mother Shows Signs of Dementia

Dear Carol: How do you gently begin to supervise a parent’s health? Our mother is widowed now and 74-years-old. She took care of our dad who had dementia and she seemed to do okay for awhile after he died. But now she frequently forgets her medications doubles them up, which she has admitted, and she frequently mixes up names and places. My nephew lives with her and he’s had to take her to the emergency room a few times because of kitchen accidents and one bad fall. We don’t want to be hasty in taking over her health care, but we are afraid for her. She insists she doesn’t need to have a checkup for cognitive issues. -  Joanne

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National Alzheimer’s Awareness and National Caregivers Month Natural Partners

November is both National Alzheimer’s Awareness Month and National Family Caregivers Month. To me, celebrating family caregivers and dementia awareness together is appropriate.Providing care to any vulnerable individual can bring untold rewards, especially when the care receiver is someone we love. Long-term caregiving can be physically and mentally exhausting, and frequently frustrating, as well.

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