Assisted Living, Adult Day Services, Nursing Home Feed

Dear Carol: I am caring for both of my parents who are over 90. Mom has Alzheimer’s. Dad tries to help but he's limited in what he can do. Frankly, some days I feel limited as well. I’m so exhausted all the time that I can’t even enjoy my grandchildren. I know that I need more outside help, and maybe even need to change our living arrangements, so I’m looking into that. What spurred me to write to you, though, was that people who were caregivers, but whose parents are long deceased, will say to me, “At least you still have your parents." This happens even if I just sigh or say that I'm tired. What's with these people? I believe that they are now glamorizing what they did. I’m sure they miss their parents, but I think it's the parents they had before illness took over who they miss. Their comments make me feel hurt and guilty. Do they know what they are doing? OP Read more →


Ideally, family members see one another often enough that they can become comfortable discussing issues that come up naturally as parents grow older. When this is the case, adult children are likely to hear when close friends of their parents have moved to assisted living, or have become ill. They may even hear stories where their parents’ friends didn’t assign powers of attorney for healthcare and their finances so that when one or both became very ill, their children are left trying to care for their parents with their hands legally tied. Read more →


...Many families are close, while others can be both physically and emotionally more distant. Still, there is a parent-child relationship that younger people rarely think deeply about. It just is. Then there’s that first time when it really registers with you that your parents are aging. Perhaps this awareness occurs after one of them has suffered an emotional or physical trauma.  Read more →


Dear Carol: My father-in-law has late stage Alzheimer’s and he no longer knows the family. My husband’s heart breaks when he sees his dad, and he doesn’t want to spend his own Father’s Day going through that pain. I think we should make the effort. Our kids from out of town will call, and our daughter and her family have invited us for an evening dinner. There’s plenty of time to go to the nursing home to see Dad early in the afternoon. I think that I’ve talked my husband into going, but I’d like more insight. To me, it seems important that we visit even if I can’t express why. Can you help? – SA Read more →


The National Alzheimer’s Project Act (NAPA) was signed into law in 2011. Since that time, milestones have been identified to meet the plan’s biomedical research goals. But until recent years, the creation of similar milestones on patient care and caregiver support has lagged.  In 2014, the Alzheimer’s Association Workgroup published recommendations – including patient-care milestones – to augment the U.S. Government’s “National Plan to Address Alzheimer’s Disease.” Read more →


I’ve lived with chronic migraines since I was 15, due to a P.E. class injury. I know what it is to quickly excuse myself to run to the bathroom and vomit, then return and try to look as though nothing is wrong. I know what it is to reek of different rubs — some herbal, some commercial — in order to function. I know what it is to tell my mother that I was fine even though she could see that my eyes were barely focusing. Even then, most of the time, I did carry on. Read more →


In my view, everyone over the age of 18 ought to have appropriate health care and financial documents that will assign a trusted person to speak for them should they, for whatever reason, be unable to speak for themselves. But most people wait until they’re well into middle age before taking care of this important legal work. Read more →


Finances can be a difficult topic to discuss in some settings, and talking with aging parents qualifies as one of those. But it’s essential that families discuss finances and how they will be handled when — not if, but when — one of them becomes incapacitated physically or mentally. Wise people appoint a trusted person as power of attorney (POA) before there is a health crisis. Read more →


As with most types of dementia, family members are the primary caregivers by default, at least at the beginning of the disease. They are usually the people who notice that something is not right with their spouse or parent. Again, like Alzheimer’s and most other types of dementia, care needs escalate with time. This ongoing care can be physically arduous and emotionally demanding. Read more →


One of the diverse topics concerning aging is whether older people would prefer to update or remodel their current home — often referred to as aging in place — or look into assisted living. Many surveys, including one from AARP, indicate that most aging Americans would rather stay in their own homes.  Read more →