Assisted Living, Adult Day Services, Nursing Home Feed

Frustrated caregivers often wonder why their loved one who is living with Alzheimer’s sometimes reacts with anger as the caregivers attempt to help. Understanding why a spouse, parent or grandparent behaves this way can help the caregiver limit these stressful, frustrating times. To do that, the caregivers must understand life from the point of view of their loved one’s impaired mind. Read more →


Dear Carol: My dad is in a good assisted living facility. He’s 96, and other than congestive heart failure, he’s in fair health for his age and has a good attitude for the most part. He was having physical therapy for hip and knee problems but now refuses it. I feel that at his age he can do what he wants so I haven’t pushed it. He uses a wheelchair to get around for the most part, but he can transfer himself. The nurse at the ALF said that he’d probably qualify for hospice care, though a doctor would have to make the determination. She did say that it’s a good idea for us to check into hospice because they can offer a lot of assistance that the assisted living facility can’t provide. Read more →


An article in the Daily Mail speaks to this issue in a delightful manner, stressing that people have differing views about addressing our elders at any time but particularly when they are in need of care. One view is that pet names such as Sweetie are demeaning. This attitude comes from a woman whose family wasn’t used to terms of endearment. The opposing view is from a woman completely comfortable with these terms and finds that they encourage bonding. My own view? It depends. Read more →


Often, we don’t even notice that we’ve slipped into a routine of combined stress and numbness until a friend or family member takes a moment to ask what is new in our lives. If our first thought is that nothing much has changed since we are just caregivers doing what we do, then it’s time to take a look at how we can refresh our attitude toward our lives, and in the process, perhaps refresh the life of the person for whom we are responsible. Read more →


The people we love and care for often reach a point where we can no longer be sole care providers and we need to look at options. This is painful, because up to this point we’ve likely been partners in their care but haven’t had to make forceful decisions. Now, things have changed. Because so many people have a negative view of nursing homes, the idea of going to a care facility terrifies many older people and being the person to make this decision can be agony. Read more →


Dear Candid Caregiver: My mom passed two years ago and my dad hasn’t done well since. Recently he had a stroke. My sister, who lives 1,000 miles away, came out for mom’s funeral, and she also visited for a few days after dad’s stroke, but she has a job and a family and couldn’t stay long. Now, dad’s been diagnosed with vascular dementia. Realistically, I’m the sole caregiver. I have two teenaged children, a husband who is, so far, supportive, and a job.  Read more →


Dear Candid Caregiver: My parents are both in their late 70s and doing quite well but I see that the need for making decisions about their futures, or at least gathering information, is closing in. We live in the same community, so my husband and I have been helping with some minor things around their home, but they are very independent and hire out the most difficult jobs. However, with time, I know that more help from us will be necessary. When do I consider myself their caregiver? How do I begin? What do I need to know? – Potential Newbie Read more →


"The Candid Caregiver (TCC) is a safe place for all caregivers, of any condition area or caregiving level, to go for candid yet professional guidance. Questions will be answered, tough topics will be discussed, and the caregivers will ultimately have a place where they, themselves, feel cared for. No topics are off the table. Ask your questions and share your stories on social media using the hashtag #TheCandidCaregiver." Read more →


Dear Carol: Mom had a stroke two years ago and Dad provides her care. She's had health issues for over 10 years so he's actually been a caregiver for a long time. Now, Mom's developed vascular dementia. I don’t think she's ready for a nursing home, but I do feel that Dad is risking his health by doing too much. They need help. The problem is that Mom doesn't want "outsiders" in her home, and Dad does what Mom wants. I help when I can but have a job and family. How do I convince them to accept assistance from an in-home care agency? – GB Read more →


"Where's my college ring?" This had become Dad's mantra during some months of his early demented years. I knew he hadn't gotten a ring when he graduated from college. His college career was interrupted by World War II, then work and a family. He went back to school during his work career. I, at age fourteen, attended his college graduation. I suppose, with a family to support, he didn't think a college ring was important. He didn't order one. He never owned one. But no way would he believe that now, as a man in his late seventies with heavy-duty dementia Read more →