Minding Our Elders®

Minding Our Elders Together: Joining a Community of Caregivers

NOTE: I wrote this article in 2006 when I was quite new at blogging. It occurred to me that many loyal readers won't have read this article, and actually nothing about caregiving has significantly changed. We are still in this together. Since the client for whom I wrote this post is still one of my major clients (they are now called HealthCentral/Alzheimers), and they pulled the post up to feature it again, I decided to follow suit. I hope you enjoy it. Carol

 

"Torn between love and exhaustion; dedication and guilt."

These words, from the prologue of my caregiving support book, Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories, sum up the emotions that rage through caregivers, daily. We’re on alert – 24/7. We dread the calls that summon us to emergency rooms or worse. There never seems to be a moment when we aren’t worried about someone or something. We love the people we are caring for, but we sometimes lose ourselves.

Over the course of two decades, I cared for seven elders. I was raising my own children, one of whom has chronic health issues. I was a freelance writer. I wrote Minding Our Elders.

During my first go ‘round with agents, I’d been told, by many, that they loved the book. They loved the concept. But who was I? They couldn’t sell the book to a publisher, because I wasn’t known.

Read more about how we "mind our elders" together:

Purchase Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories – paperback or ebook

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Mayo Clinic Advice on Integrative Medicine

Dear Readers: While traditional health care saves lives and cures many illnesses, prescription drugs and many surgeries also have risks and limitations. Because of this knowledge, or simply out of the need to take a more active role in their healthcare and that of their elders, many people are using the Internet and other resources to research historic, alternative methods of preventing or controlling illness and pain. According to the National Institutes of Health, close to 40 percent of the adults in the U.S. use some form of alternative health care. Alternative health care includes herbs, massage, meditation, acupuncture and many other techniques that have been used for centuries by other cultures.

Read more about Mayo Clinic book on integrative medicine:

Purchase Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories – paperback or ebook

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The Stubborn Stigma of Dementia: How to Cope

Book Relates Account of Marriage Challenged by Early Onset Alzheimer’s

It’s a rare marriage that lasts for decades without some tumultuous times and Pat Moffett’s marriage to his wife Carmen was no exception. However, despite a legal separation along the way, they eventually endured. As their children began their adult lives away from the family home, the Moffetts looked forward to retirement and more quality time together.

That dream evaporated the day Carmen flew into an uncontrollable rage during a normal conversation with their visiting daughter. Out of nowhere, Carmen started screaming at Pat, poised to attack him.

Read more about the book "Ice Cream in the Cupboard"

Purchase Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories – paperback or ebook

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Minding Our Elders e-book for Kindle, Nook and computers now available

In answer to many requests, Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories is now available as an ebook. It's available in Kindle and ePub formats i'ts user friendly for your Kindle, Nookor computer. Just click on your choice below or on the right margin of the blog page under order book. It's my hope that sharing our personal caregiving stories with other caregivers through electronics as well as paperback copies way will help comfort and educate those in search of support.

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol: 

Ebook editions:

Minding Our Elders on Amazon (Kindle format):

Minding Our Elders For Nook (ePub) format:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

 

 

Book on aging and ageism in our health system a gem

Dear Readers:  The book “Treat Me, Not My Age,” by Mark Lachs, M.D. is now out in paperback under the title “What Your Doctor Won’t Tell You About Growing Older: An Insider’s Survival Manual For Outsmarting the Heath-Care System.” Regardless of the title change – personally I preferred the original title – this book is a gem.

Lachs is the director of Cornell’s Center for Aging Research and Clinical Care, director of geriatrics for the New York-Presbyterian Healthcare System, chief of the Division of Geriatrics and Gerontology at Weill Medical College, and the Irene F. and I. Roy Psaty Distinguished Professor of Clinical Medicine.

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Two honest, intimate memoirs about caring for a mother with Alzheimer's disease

Many of us find that sharing our stories helps increase the joy in our lives as well as lessen the pain. As a long-time family caregiver, I know firsthand how isolating caregiving can be. Writing “Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories,” was one way for me to help shine a light on what caregivers experience and break through that isolation. Caregiving sites such as OurAlzheimers.com provide another way to provide support so that people who care for vulnerable elders understand they aren’t alone.

As we spotlight Alzheimer’s disease this month, we’ll continue to connect with caregivers who know personally how difficult the caregiving road can be. Below are two excellent examples of books written by women who want to help others by relating their own caregiving stories.

Read more about books on being a caregiver for a loved one with Alzheimer's disease:

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Dementia caregiver's "survival guide" useful companion

A new book titled “Alzheimer’s Disease and Other Dementias: The Caregiver’s Complete Survival Guide,” by  Nataly Rubinstein, social worker who has also has been a long-term caregiver for a family member who suffered from Alzheimer’s disease, is a winner. Her book speaks with the authority of a trained professional as well as the heart of a caregiver.

Read more about the "Alzheimer's Disease and Other Dementias:

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Books offer advice for people living with illness, and their caregivers

Most of us know a version of the saying that while we are busy planning our lives, life happens. We’re aware, at least as we mature, that our Plan A hasn’t happened and likely won’t. A version of Plan B may be happening, but again, it’s likely that even Plan B is different than what we thought it could be. That’s why life is an ever unfolding journey.

Read more about compassionate books on living with disease and terminal illness:

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‘Take Me Home from the Oscars’ offers a strong message about living with chronic illness

No matter our age or state of health, most of us want to look and act as though we are well. Indeed, for many people, looking and acting “normal” is necessary in order to hold onto their jobs.

One reason that people so dread the diagnosis of dementia, other than the obvious one of having an incurable, life-altering disease, is that once the fact is known that they have the disease, it’s quite possible that their employer may find “other reasons” to decide they no longer need their services. Even friends can drift away since they often don’t know how to respond.

Read more about "Take Me Home from the Oscars" and chronic illness:

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Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

 

“In-laws, Outlaws and Granny Flats” beautiful, practical guide to intergenerational living

While I’ve been aware that many more families than in the past were looking for ways to care for aging parents within the home, or to simply save on extended family expenses, I wasn’t aware of the magnitude of this movement until I received a review copy of “In-Laws, Outlaws and Granny Flats: Your Guide to Turning One House into Two Homes.” Author Michael Litchfield has renovated many homes throughout his life, however after a move to the west coast he became fascinated by some property that offered the option multiple living units on one home base, so to speak. 

Read more about inter-generational housing:

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Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

 

Talking to the Grandchildren About Dementia

Children often suffer silently as they watch a grandparent with dementia decline. Their parents are busy and often frustrated and sad, so kids can feel that they would only add to their parents' burden if they were to show their despair. However, children need ongoing support, just as their parents do. As adults who care for two or more generations, commonly known as the sandwich generation, we are challenged to help children understand that their grandparents still love them as much as ever, no matter how much the dementia has changed them. We are challenged to help the kids cope with the loss of their grandparent as he or she once was, and even help them learn to care for their grandparent to whatever extent they are able.

Read more about talking to grandchildren about dementia:

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'How We Age' poetic, respectful look at the aging process

As I read "How We Age," by Marc E. Agronin, MD, I couldn't help but think that that he should be held up as a role model in the medical profession. His dedication to understanding the process of aging, his respect for those experiencing the indignities that aging can bring, along with his recognition that the aged also have hopes and dreams, are worthy of the highest praise. He manages to get across all of these concepts, and much more, in "How We Age."

Read more about "How We Age":

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Caregiving Comes From the Heart but Education Helps

Most family caregivers take on tasks as they see fit. Sometimes a parent has a stroke and suddenly needs care. Other times dementia enters the picture and the need for help progresses slowly. Few caregivers immediately think that they need to get educated about how best to care for their elders. But education does help, if only because it shows the caregiver that there are options.

Read more about caregiving and education:

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Eldercarelink’s Kathryn Kilpatrick offers new brain teasers based on reminiscing

Kathryn Kilpatrick, one of our hands-on care veterans on Eldercarelink.com, now offers some help for people trying to keep their own brains active, or help a loved one stay gainfully occupied. Kathryn is a geriatric communication consultant and a memory fitness specialist and president of Communication Connection as well as a writer and blogger on Eldercarelink.com.

Read more about Kilpatrick and about puzzles:

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Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

 

"I'm Still Here" a Must Read For Those Interested in Alzheimer's

If compassion could be personified, John Zeisel, Ph.D. could be in the running for the visual image. His book, "I'm Still Here: A New Philosophy of Alzheimer's Care," promotes the idea that Alzheimer's symptoms can often be managed through compassionate, non-pharmacological methods, or in conjunction with pharmacological methods. 

After reading about Zeisel's approach, I requested the book from his publisher, to see for myself. I wasn't disappointed. In "I'm Still Here," Zeisel teaches approaches that help caregivers understand that the person with Alzheimer's still has access to many forms of memory functions, and that memories aren't really lost, they just become harder to access.

Read more about John Zeisel and "I'm Still Here":

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“Lessons in Loss and Living” Helpful Tool for Coping with Grief

 The only way that I’m aware of to avoid grief is to never feel love. Since most of us wouldn’t choose to go through life never loving, we will likely, at one time or another, have to cope with grief and loss.

 Michele A. Reiss, Ph.D. wrote “Lessons in Loss and Living: Hope and Guidance for Confronting Serious Illness and Grief,” with that goal in mind. Reiss has spent over 30 years in the field of psychotherapy, counseling people through their grief process.

Read mores about Lessons in Loss and Living:

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Cognitive Test “Sweet 16” Up and Coming Tool for Doctors

 If I had a frequently asked question list, one of the top ten questions from adult children would be “how do I get my dad/mom to a doctor for a dementia evaluation?” It’s natural and human to want to avoid an unpleasant truth. For most of us, the aging process brings some very unpleasant truths, as our bodies signal that certain functions are showing signs of wear. The cruelest blow, however, for the majority of us, is when there are signs that the “wisdom of age” is starting to skew toward the negative, as in memory loss and poor judgment due to negative changes in our brains.

Read more about "Sweet 16 tool" for dementia diagnosis:

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100 Simple Things: Alzheimer’s Prevention Book Fantastic Boomer Motivator

When the review copy of 100 Simple Things You can do to Prevent Alzheimer’s and Age-Related Memory Loss arrived, I did what I do with most review copies offered. I opened the package, made a mental note to get to it, and added it to my stack of books to read. Along with most boomers, however, I am painfully aware of time slipping by. I second guess every lost word, every glitch in my routine due to inattention to detail.

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Jan’s Story About Early-Onset Alzheimer’s Love Story with a Twist

There’s been a lot of publicity about “Jan’s Story: Love Lost to the Long Goodbye of Alzheimer’s.” The author is well known and his publicists have been generous with review copies. The publicists say this book “reads like a novel.” When I received my copy and I had read it, I had to agree. “Jan’s Story” reads like a novel.

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Sheehy’s “Passages in Caregiving” Defines Turning Points

Gail Sheehy is the author of 15 books, but is best known for her book Passages, which remained on the New York Times Bestseller’s List for over three years. She’s an out-spoken advocate for Boomers, urging them to use each turning point in life to advantage. When Sheehy’s husband became ill, she was personally faced with a turning point of gigantic proportions – one even she hadn’t expected. She became a caregiver.

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