Minding Our Elders®

Book on aging and ageism in our health system a gem

Dear Readers:  The book “Treat Me, Not My Age,” by Mark Lachs, M.D. is now out in paperback under the title “What Your Doctor Won’t Tell You About Growing Older: An Insider’s Survival Manual For Outsmarting the Heath-Care System.” Regardless of the title change – personally I preferred the original title – this book is a gem.

Lachs is the director of Cornell’s Center for Aging Research and Clinical Care, director of geriatrics for the New York-Presbyterian Healthcare System, chief of the Division of Geriatrics and Gerontology at Weill Medical College, and the Irene F. and I. Roy Psaty Distinguished Professor of Clinical Medicine.

Read more about "What your doctor won't tell you":

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved one:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

Two honest, intimate memoirs about caring for a mother with Alzheimer's disease

Many of us find that sharing our stories helps increase the joy in our lives as well as lessen the pain. As a long-time family caregiver, I know firsthand how isolating caregiving can be. Writing “Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories,” was one way for me to help shine a light on what caregivers experience and break through that isolation. Caregiving sites such as OurAlzheimers.com provide another way to provide support so that people who care for vulnerable elders understand they aren’t alone.

As we spotlight Alzheimer’s disease this month, we’ll continue to connect with caregivers who know personally how difficult the caregiving road can be. Below are two excellent examples of books written by women who want to help others by relating their own caregiving stories.

Read more about books on being a caregiver for a loved one with Alzheimer's disease:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved one:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

Dementia caregiver's "survival guide" useful companion

A new book titled “Alzheimer’s Disease and Other Dementias: The Caregiver’s Complete Survival Guide,” by  Nataly Rubinstein, social worker who has also has been a long-term caregiver for a family member who suffered from Alzheimer’s disease, is a winner. Her book speaks with the authority of a trained professional as well as the heart of a caregiver.

Read more about the "Alzheimer's Disease and Other Dementias:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved one:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

Books offer advice for people living with illness, and their caregivers

Most of us know a version of the saying that while we are busy planning our lives, life happens. We’re aware, at least as we mature, that our Plan A hasn’t happened and likely won’t. A version of Plan B may be happening, but again, it’s likely that even Plan B is different than what we thought it could be. That’s why life is an ever unfolding journey.

Read more about compassionate books on living with disease and terminal illness:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved one:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

 

‘Take Me Home from the Oscars’ offers a strong message about living with chronic illness

No matter our age or state of health, most of us want to look and act as though we are well. Indeed, for many people, looking and acting “normal” is necessary in order to hold onto their jobs.

One reason that people so dread the diagnosis of dementia, other than the obvious one of having an incurable, life-altering disease, is that once the fact is known that they have the disease, it’s quite possible that their employer may find “other reasons” to decide they no longer need their services. Even friends can drift away since they often don’t know how to respond.

Read more about "Take Me Home from the Oscars" and chronic illness:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved one:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

 

“In-laws, Outlaws and Granny Flats” beautiful, practical guide to intergenerational living

While I’ve been aware that many more families than in the past were looking for ways to care for aging parents within the home, or to simply save on extended family expenses, I wasn’t aware of the magnitude of this movement until I received a review copy of “In-Laws, Outlaws and Granny Flats: Your Guide to Turning One House into Two Homes.” Author Michael Litchfield has renovated many homes throughout his life, however after a move to the west coast he became fascinated by some property that offered the option multiple living units on one home base, so to speak. 

Read more about inter-generational housing:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

 

Talking to the Grandchildren About Dementia

Children often suffer silently as they watch a grandparent with dementia decline. Their parents are busy and often frustrated and sad, so kids can feel that they would only add to their parents' burden if they were to show their despair. However, children need ongoing support, just as their parents do. As adults who care for two or more generations, commonly known as the sandwich generation, we are challenged to help children understand that their grandparents still love them as much as ever, no matter how much the dementia has changed them. We are challenged to help the kids cope with the loss of their grandparent as he or she once was, and even help them learn to care for their grandparent to whatever extent they are able.

Read more about talking to grandchildren about dementia:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

'How We Age' poetic, respectful look at the aging process

As I read "How We Age," by Marc E. Agronin, MD, I couldn't help but think that that he should be held up as a role model in the medical profession. His dedication to understanding the process of aging, his respect for those experiencing the indignities that aging can bring, along with his recognition that the aged also have hopes and dreams, are worthy of the highest praise. He manages to get across all of these concepts, and much more, in "How We Age."

Read more about "How We Age":

Find care agencies to help you care for your love one:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

Caregiving Comes From the Heart but Education Helps

Most family caregivers take on tasks as they see fit. Sometimes a parent has a stroke and suddenly needs care. Other times dementia enters the picture and the need for help progresses slowly. Few caregivers immediately think that they need to get educated about how best to care for their elders. But education does help, if only because it shows the caregiver that there are options.

Read more about caregiving and education:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved one:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

Eldercarelink’s Kathryn Kilpatrick offers new brain teasers based on reminiscing

Kathryn Kilpatrick, one of our hands-on care veterans on Eldercarelink.com, now offers some help for people trying to keep their own brains active, or help a loved one stay gainfully occupied. Kathryn is a geriatric communication consultant and a memory fitness specialist and president of Communication Connection as well as a writer and blogger on Eldercarelink.com.

Read more about Kilpatrick and about puzzles:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

 

"I'm Still Here" a Must Read For Those Interested in Alzheimer's

If compassion could be personified, John Zeisel, Ph.D. could be in the running for the visual image. His book, "I'm Still Here: A New Philosophy of Alzheimer's Care," promotes the idea that Alzheimer's symptoms can often be managed through compassionate, non-pharmacological methods, or in conjunction with pharmacological methods. 

After reading about Zeisel's approach, I requested the book from his publisher, to see for myself. I wasn't disappointed. In "I'm Still Here," Zeisel teaches approaches that help caregivers understand that the person with Alzheimer's still has access to many forms of memory functions, and that memories aren't really lost, they just become harder to access.

Read more about John Zeisel and "I'm Still Here":

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Looking for a Christmas Gift? Support a Caregiver with Minding Our Elders:

“Lessons in Loss and Living” Helpful Tool for Coping with Grief

 The only way that I’m aware of to avoid grief is to never feel love. Since most of us wouldn’t choose to go through life never loving, we will likely, at one time or another, have to cope with grief and loss.

 Michele A. Reiss, Ph.D. wrote “Lessons in Loss and Living: Hope and Guidance for Confronting Serious Illness and Grief,” with that goal in mind. Reiss has spent over 30 years in the field of psychotherapy, counseling people through their grief process.

Read mores about Lessons in Loss and Living:

Find care agencies to help you care for your loved ones:

Looking for a Christmas Gift? Support a Caregiver with Minding Our Elders:

Cognitive Test “Sweet 16” Up and Coming Tool for Doctors

 If I had a frequently asked question list, one of the top ten questions from adult children would be “how do I get my dad/mom to a doctor for a dementia evaluation?” It’s natural and human to want to avoid an unpleasant truth. For most of us, the aging process brings some very unpleasant truths, as our bodies signal that certain functions are showing signs of wear. The cruelest blow, however, for the majority of us, is when there are signs that the “wisdom of age” is starting to skew toward the negative, as in memory loss and poor judgment due to negative changes in our brains.

Read more about "Sweet 16 tool" for dementia diagnosis:

Find care agencies to help you help your loved one:

Looking for a Christmas Gift? Support a Caregiver with Minding Our Elders:

100 Simple Things: Alzheimer’s Prevention Book Fantastic Boomer Motivator

When the review copy of 100 Simple Things You can do to Prevent Alzheimer’s and Age-Related Memory Loss arrived, I did what I do with most review copies offered. I opened the package, made a mental note to get to it, and added it to my stack of books to read. Along with most boomers, however, I am painfully aware of time slipping by. I second guess every lost word, every glitch in my routine due to inattention to detail.

Read more about preventing Alzheimer's:

Find care agencies to help you with your loved one's care:

Read real caregiver stories:

Jan’s Story About Early-Onset Alzheimer’s Love Story with a Twist

There’s been a lot of publicity about “Jan’s Story: Love Lost to the Long Goodbye of Alzheimer’s.” The author is well known and his publicists have been generous with review copies. The publicists say this book “reads like a novel.” When I received my copy and I had read it, I had to agree. “Jan’s Story” reads like a novel.

Read more about Jan's Story:

Find care agencies to help with your loved one:

Read caregiver stories:

Sheehy’s “Passages in Caregiving” Defines Turning Points

Gail Sheehy is the author of 15 books, but is best known for her book Passages, which remained on the New York Times Bestseller’s List for over three years. She’s an out-spoken advocate for Boomers, urging them to use each turning point in life to advantage. When Sheehy’s husband became ill, she was personally faced with a turning point of gigantic proportions – one even she hadn’t expected. She became a caregiver.

Read more about Passages In Cargiving:

Find care agencies to help with your caregiving:

Caregiver stories:

“Daughter Trap” Bold and Informative

Dear Readers: I received a book in the mail that definitely lives up to the accompanying press release. “The Daughter Trap: Taking Care of Mom and …You,” is written by Laurel Kennedy, founder of the Boomer consulting firm Age Lessons. Kennedy has an impressive resume in the business world, but our concern is elder care.

“Daughter Trap,” is likely to annoy or even anger some readers, but most will nod their heads with some understanding of Kennedy’s thesis that it’s the women who become caregivers, whether or not they are ready, willing or even realistically able.

Read more about "Daughter Trap":

Find care agencies to help with your loved ones:

Caregiver stories:

CNN Reports on Caregivers' Risk of Illness

Hundreds (thousands?) of studies, articles and references to the toll constant caregiving can take on the caregiver’s physical and mental health have popped up over the last years. When I first started writing about this topic, I had to dig to find references. Now they are every place. Still, the subject needs to be kept in front of caregivers and those who love them.

Read more about caregiving and getting ill:

Find agencies to help you with your caregiving:

Read caregiver stories:

Book Makes Great Gift For Boomer Women

This is a little off the beaten path for the caregiving readership of Minding Our Elders, but many of us could use a chuckle, or have mothers who could use a laugh. I received for review copy of a cheerfully wry book titled The Beautiful People and Other Aggravations, written by Rose Madeline Mula, which could entertain both generations of women.

“Beautiful People” is a compilation of over fifty satirical essays meant to “pass on wisdom with the younger generation while reminiscing with an older audience.” Mula is a regular contributor to  Saturday Evening Post. Her work has also appeared in Yankee, Modern Maturity, Christian Science Monitor, Reader’s Digest and Miami Herald.

One of my favorite essays tells of her tough night when she realizes that if she died, the younger generation who would go through her home would decide she had “lost it,” because they would find a shoe stuffed with ice in the freezer. Her point, which I loved, was that there was a very logical explanation (she had put a bag filled with water in the shoe and frozen it to stretch the shoe – which she says worked). Because of her age, she would have been deemed someone who was losing it, while a younger person with something this strange in the freezer would have been considered to have a “reason,” even if it was a bit odd. Most of us over 50 are cognizant of this discriminatory thinking.

“Beautiful People,” published by Pelican Publishing Company, sells for $14.95 and is available online and in stores.

Find care agencies to help with your loved ones:

Jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol:

Sheehy's Passages in Caregiving Delivers

Dear Readers: I was sent a review copy of Gail Sheehy’s new book, “Passages in Caregiving: Turning Chaos into Confidence,” which I find to be a well researched guide to nearly every challenge family caregivers face. Sheehy is the author of 15 books, among them the bestselling “Passages.”

Sheehy lends credibility to her work as she describes her 17 years as her husband’s caregiver. “Passages in Caregiving” is a skillful mix of direct information and personal storytelling, which speaks to caregivers of all types. It’s well organized for ready reference, yet holds the reader with a personal touch.

Read more about "Passages in Cargiving":

Find care agencies to help with your caregiving:

Jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders e-mail Carol: