Caregiving Feed

...Realty check: Wrong. Most caregivers will, at least occasionally, have these feelings. You are not alone and you are not a bad person. You are a human being who’d like some control over your own life. You didn’t ask to be put in a situation where you have little chance to work on fulfilling even the simplest of your own dreams. Yet, the situation presented itself and you stepped up to the plate. Read more →


A special day for your mom is coming up and she’s deep in the land of dementia. You struggle internally about whether you should even go through the motions of celebrating since she won’t understand what you are doing. Will making a big deal of the day just confuse her more? Is it even worth going through this routine when knowing that she doesn’t understand what you’re celebrating nearly breaks your heart? Read more →


Dear Carol: My dad is 86 and quite healthy other than his eyes. Recently, he developed the wet form of age-related macular degeneration (AMD) and needs to get regular injections in his eyes to slow the leaking of the blood vessels. Dad tolerates the treatment well, so I’ve been taking him to the clinic for this but my sister is having a fit. Read more →


Ideally, family members see one another often enough that they can become comfortable discussing issues that come up naturally as parents grow older. When this is the case, adult children are likely to hear when close friends of their parents have moved to assisted living, or have become ill. They may even hear stories where their parents’ friends didn’t assign powers of attorney for healthcare and their finances so that when one or both became very ill, their children are left trying to care for their parents with their hands legally tied. Read more →


Immediately, you recognize that your nasty response is way out of proportion to your friend's comment. She's been there for you, even though when caregiving starts, friends often scatter.The person you are really angry at is your sister who repeatedly criticizes your caregiving ability. The problem is that words, once uttered, can't be withdrawn. Read more →


Most of us find, as we travel our unique journeys, that certain phrases or concepts take on the status of truth in our worldview. Our personal truths may not be identical to those of others, but we know what is true for us. Below, I've shared, as food for thought, a few of my own truths that have developed during my personal caregiving journey. Read more →


You know where I'm going with this, right? The care receiver is then anxious and worried, but can't explain why. The caregiver isn't aware that his or her anxiety over a job issue has been passed on in a general form to their loved one. Knowing that they are leaving an anxious elder at home alone increases the anxiety of the caregiver as he or she heads out to work. And on it goes. Read more →


Nearly every person's childhood leaves them with mixed memories. Even siblings raised together by the same parents can have wildly different views on how their shared childhood played out. For most of us, there are times when we think, "Hmm, Mom was right about that." Other times, we know for certain she was wrong. The same goes for Dad, of course, but we'll focus on Mom in this particular article. Read more →


Dear Carol: I’ve been reading a lot about when if/when it’s time to force a parent into some kind of care. Your position seems to be that it’s the older adult’s decision unless there is dementia present. I can see that at 70, but my mom is 90. She’s mentally sharp and still likes her home and her garden but she refuses much help except for hiring lawn care, snow removal, and grocery delivery. She gave up driving on her own but she is adamant about not wanting to move to assisted living. At what age do adult children finally say enough and use our Power of Attorney to force a move? BT Read more →


It’s something many of us have done. Our parents are in their middle years and have come home from visiting someone in a nursing home. The hospital-like structure of the older nursing home was disturbing to them. While relating their experience to you they say that they’d hate to end up in a place like that. You jump in and say with feeling and genuine belief, "I’d never put you in a nursing home." Read more →