Reflections Feed

Dad Needs Help Taking Care of Mom But He Won’t Allow It

Caregiving7Dear Carol:  I’m a certified nursing assistant (CNA). My dad has been caring for my mom, who has severe lung disease as well as dementia, and he's worn out. We agreed that it would be a good idea for me to move in with my parents to help with Mom's care. Dad agreed to this arrangement because he knows that he needs help, but now that I’m here he won’t let me do anything for mom. I just want him to get some rest before he collapses, but he can’t seem to let go. He’s still up all night because Mom doesn’t sleep much, and he insists on providing nearly all of Mom’s daily care. I feel like he doesn’t trust me. What’s the solution? Terry

Read full column on Inforum about helping care for mom:

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9 Tips to Manage Stress for Better Health

Technology1Increasingly, stress is considered a risk factor for dementia, particularly Alzheimer’s. Stress is also a risk factor for stroke and heart attack as well as a trigger for many diseases from arthritis to psoriasis. Obviously, limiting stress in our lives is a good idea. But how? Simply living what we call modern life seems to make stress the norm.

View entire slideshow on HealthCentral about controlling stress for better health:

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10 Tips for Caring for an Older Person's Hair

HairSalon...The whole procedure became so stressful that we made a mutual decision for me to care for her hair in her own home. I'll tell you upfront that I'm not good with hair. For the most part, I'm a minimalist. Alice had perms, but her hair still needed washing and a daily curling to arrange it nicely. Over time, and with lots of humor thrown in, I did learn a few things over the years.

Read full article on Agingcare about hair care for our elders:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders of Minding Our Elders e-mail Carol


Your Elder's Loss of Appetite May be Complicated

Food...They may have pain issues that keep them from enjoying food, or dentures that make chewing uncomfortable. Depression can be a factor for some people, as can medication side effects. Loneliness, especially for people who have lost a spouse to a nursing home or death, can make eating seem unimportant or unattractive.

Read full article on HealthCentral about how loss of appetite can be a problem with elders:

Image: Thinkstock           

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Memory Books and Photos Great for Communication When Visiting Elders

MemoriesOldPhotosSince elders by definition have many decades of life to their credit, they will likely enjoy looking back on the past. This is especially important when people have Alzheimer’s disease because their disease prevents them from forming new memories. Nearly everyone enjoys reminiscing to some degree. To help you kick off a nice visit with the elder you intend to spend time with try bringing some props. Physical reminders should help your visit go more smoothly.

Image: Thinkstock

Read full article on HealthCentral about how memories can aid in visiting elders:

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Common Excuses From Siblings Who Don't Help With Caregiving

MoneyTimeMany caregivers ask how to respond to siblings who, after being directly and distinctly asked for help, either skirt responsibility with excuses or become outright nasty if they are asked for assistance in a direct manner. Let's look at a few examples and contemplate responses. These can, perhaps, trigger ideas about how to handle your unique circumstances:

Read full article on Agingcare about sibling excuses for not helping with parent care:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders of Minding Our Elders e-mail Carol


Family Caregiver Needs Recognition from Siblings

Comfort12Dear Carol: I have been taking care of my aging parents’ needs for several years. Since I live near them, and caregiving suits my personality, I’m happy to do it. My parent care has gone from just running a few errands and accompanying them to the doctor to going to their home daily and doing their laundry, most of their cooking, and setting up medications. I realize that my siblings, because they live out of town, can’t do much for our parents. All that I ask for is a pat on the back now and then for what I do, but it’s like they live in another world. They are glad that our parents are taken care of, but they offer no support or even a thank you. I’m not asking for help, but I’m becoming resentful which I don’t like. Am I selfish to want some recognition? Susie

Photo credit: Thinkstock

Read full article on Inforum about caregiver's need for some appreciation from siblings:

Purchase Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories – paperback or ebook

The stories in this fine book showed us how others have gone through similar things with their families and that is somehow reassuring. There are some helpful suggestions but mostly there is the recognition that others went through the same thing. All we can do is our best. That is greatly reassuring during these difficult emotional times. If you are a caregiver, this is a must read. - Delores Edwards


Why People Living with Alzheimer’s May React with Anger

Comfort21Frustrated caregivers often wonder why their loved one who is living with Alzheimer’s sometimes reacts with anger as the caregivers attempt to help. Understanding why a spouse, parent or grandparent behaves this way can help the caregiver limit these stressful, frustrating times. To do that, the caregivers must understand life from the point of view of their loved one’s impaired mind.

View full slideshow about how anger is the natural response to many situations:

Purchase Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories – paperback or ebook

An amazing book of stories that will touch your heart and encourage you, especially if you are a caregiver. Carol  Bradley Bursack also has an excellent website devoted to the elderly and their caregivers. - Carol Heilman


The Differences Between Palliative Care and Hospice Can be Confusing

Comfort19Many people have heard of hospice care but they mistakenly think that it’s just a way to help cancer patients be more comfortable at the end of their lives. Fewer people have heard of palliative care, and they may have no idea what it is. The truth is that hospice and palliative care are related but used for different reasons at different times, and everyone should be well-versed in what they offer. Here, we’ll clarify some points of confusion.

View full slideshow on HealthCentral about the differences between palliative care and hospice:

Support a caregiver or jump start discussion in support groups with real stories - for bulk orders of Minding Our Elders e-mail Carol


Alzheimer's Symptoms: Navigational Skills May Deteriorate Long Before Memory

OldercoupleTypically, when we think of the early signs of Alzheimer’s disease we think of memory problems. Words go missing, names escape one’s grasp, daily tasks are forgotten. Now, researchers at Washington University in St. Louis have shown that making mental maps of where we have been and where we are going is a process the brain may lose before memory problems begin to show. People with these early symptoms can no longer navigate even a familiar area as they once did.

Read full article on HealthCentral about navigational skills and what they mean when Alzheimer's is a risk:

Purchase Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories – paperback or ebook

“I hold onto your book as a life preserver and am reading it slowly on purpose...I don't want it to end.”  Craig William Dayton, Film Composer