Reflections Feed

Recovery from Double Grief May Require Professional Care

CryingWomanDear Carol: My mom passed away a month ago from a major stroke. Since her death, I seem to either be in a fog or collapsing into tears. My sister, Carolyn, had been caring for mom until two years ago, but then Carolyn had a sudden heart attack and died. She was only 43. Mom then came to live with us. Mom had COPD and heart disease. My husband has always been a rock of support and love and my two kids have handled Mom's death well. They are trying to help me even though they, too, are grieving their aunt and their grandma.  I’m the one who is a mess. I miss my mom more than I ever thought possible. My grief seems to be more consuming than that of other caregivers who’ve lost a parent. I’m not sure what to do with my overwhelming feelings.  I’m not even sure what I’m asking for except that I need guidance. SC

Read full column on Inforum about buried grief and fresh grief:

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“I hold onto your book as a life preserver and am reading it slowly on purpose...I don't want it to end.”  Craig William Dayton, Film Composer


Hospice Care about Re-Focusing Priorities, Not Giving Up

Hands12Our culture is steeped in language that makes accepting the terminal diagnosis of ourselves or a loved one more difficult to accept than it needs to be. Doctors say, “I’m sorry, there’s nothing more we can do. You might want to look into hospice care.” Patients tell their doctors that they want “aggressive treatment,” until there is nothing else that can be done, then they will go on hospice care.The crux of these conversations is that medicine will do everything possible and then when you give up you will go on hospice care.

Read full article on HealthCentral about how hospice care is "doing something."

Purchase Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories – paperback or ebook

“I hold onto your book as a life preserver and am reading it slowly on purpose...I don't want it to end.”  Craig William Dayton, Film Composer


Dementia: Is It As Hard on the Caregiver As the Person with the Disease?

AnxietyIt seems shocking to hear people ask whether dementia, particularly Alzheimer’s since it’s the best known, is as hard on the caregiver as it is on the person with the disease. After all, developing dementia of any kind is one of our greatest fears, even overtaking cancer. A caregiver who asks this question must be incredibly heartless and selfish, right? Yet, people who've never been a caregiver for someone with dementia need to think this through. When a loved one develops dementia, both the care receiver and the caregiver have entered an incredibly challenging time of their lives.

Read full article on HealthCentral about the stress and frustration - then the guilt - that dementia caregivers cope with

Purchase Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories – paperback or ebook

“I hold onto your book as a life preserver and am reading it slowly on purpose...I don't want it to end.”  Craig William Dayton, Film Composer


6 Tips to Have More Fun While Caregiving

FatherSon8Many dementia caregivers feel as though they are treading water just to avoid sinking under the often exhausting pressures associated with dementia care. But consciously changing your attitude can, with practice, significantly change how your days, and those of your loved one, unfold. Here are some tips to get started.

View full slideshow on HealthCentral about getting the most out of caregiving:

Purchase Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories – paperback or ebook

“I hold onto your book as a life preserver and am reading it slowly on purpose...I don't want it to end.”  Craig William Dayton, Film Composer


Celebrating Love: Dementia Caregivers Speak Up

RosesYellowValentine’s Day, anniversaries, and birthdays have traditionally been celebrated with balloons, gifts, cards, parties, and food. Sadly, when dementia enters into the picture, such general mayhem may overwhelm a person already confused by his or her surroundings. Even attempting to celebrate love can become a challenge. The choice about whether or not to mark special days is often fraught with pain for the caregiver.

Read full article on HealthCentral about how dementia caregivers (and other caregivers) show love:

Purchase Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories – paperback or ebook

“I hold onto your book as a life preserver and am reading it slowly on purpose...I don't want it to end.”  Craig William Dayton, Film Composer


Be smart: Plan for your own care needs ahead of crisis

020de936-88fe-4604-98b5-80be46c60196_200x200Dear Carol: My wife died of cancer three years ago. Her decline was long and slow, so when the end came there was some relief, along with the agonizing grief. I’ve slowly recovered enough to enjoy life. However, I’ve now been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s disease (EOAD). I also have neuropathy which affects my balance. My wife had a great attitude during her illness and I’m determined to use her as my example for dealing with my own challenges. We had no children, and I have no siblings, but I have many wonderful friends who have been helping me with shopping. I’ve appointed a close friend as Power Of Attorney for health and financial reasons and hired a housekeeper who cleans and does some light cooking. She's wonderful, and we get along great, but the time will come when I will need more care. How do I start setting up help now, without going overboard and losing my privacy before I need to? PR

Read the full column on Inform about planning for your own care:

Purchase Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories – paperback or ebook

“I hold onto your book as a life preserver and am reading it slowly on purpose...I don't want it to end.”  Craig William Dayton, Film Composer


Elder Is Welcome In Home but Private Time Still Needed

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Dear Carol: My father-in-law has had two strokes. Even though doctors have cleared his health he seems insecure on his own so we moved him in with us. We have a great setup since our kids have left home so he has a nice area all to himself. What’s happened, though, is that the easy back and forth we’d planned on has turned into Dad being my shadow. I love him and am glad to have him join us for meals and for many evenings, but my husband and I have no time alone. My husband won’t say anything for fear of upsetting Dad. I’ve gently suggested to Dad that he may want to watch different programs on his TV than those we watch. I’ve also tried to help him find ways to amuse himself at least a couple of evenings a week but he isn't interested. This situation is grating on me and I’m afraid I’ll start resenting Dad. Am I selfish? DV

Read more on Inforum about caregivers needing couple time:

Purchase Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories – paperback or ebook

“I hold onto your book as a life preserver and am reading it slowly on purpose...I don't want it to end.”  Craig William Dayton, Film Composer 


Home for Elders Is a Symbol of Safety More Than a Place

Home...The actual location of our home may be dynamic rather than static—ever-changing as our personal world changes. Yet the meaning of home remains the same: a place of comfort. Most of us who've cared for people with dementia have heard the sad, repetitive lament, "I want to go home." If the person lives in a nursing home or assisted living facility, relatives naturally think that the home the elder wants to return to is the last place he or she lived before going to the care home.

Read complete article on Agingcare about home and the heart:

Purchase Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories – paperback or ebook

“I hold onto your book as a life preserver and am reading it slowly on purpose...I don't want it to end.”  Craig William Dayton, Film Composer

Safety for your Elders - Peace of Mind for You:  Simple Smart Phone with Large Screen, Jitterbug flip phone, Urgent Response Device   For help CALL:  1-866-222-0703


Don't Let Ageism Skew Common Sense: Aging Bodies Often House Strong Minds

ElderlyManCaneToo much emphasis on the negative aspects of aging has encouraged society to believe that all older people are on the verge of dementia and a drain on families and the economy rather than a treasured resource of wisdom and experience. Yes, aging brains think differently. Recall slows and those frustrating times when a word escapes the aging brain become more frequent. Aging bodies may become more prone to disease, causing these little cognitive slips to arouse even more suspicion among family members. 

Read full article on HealthCentral about how judging elders by a few external frailties is a big mistake:

Purchase Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories – paperback or ebook

“I hold onto your book as a life preserver and am reading it slowly on purpose...I don't want it to end.”  Craig William Dayton, Film Composer


Should You Use Pet Names for Elders? Let Them Decide

Comfort11Twenty-five years ago, my aunt and uncle moved from the Washington, D.C. area to be with my family here on the Great Plains. One of the few complaints that I heard from my aunt about the move was that when she went to their new bank, the tellers called her by her first name. To someone of her generation, a younger person should have been calling her Mrs. Kelly. Yes, she understood their intent and she now lived in a more open, friendlier community than before, but she felt that first names lacked dignity. Additionally, while she was obviously aging, her mind was quick and her memory accurate. All she wanted was a little respect.

Read full article on HealthCentral about pet names and elders:

Purchase Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories – paperback or ebook

“I hold onto your book as a life preserver and am reading it slowly on purpose...I don't want it to end.”  Craig William Dayton, Film Composer

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