Dear Carol: My mother-in-law has dementia and I was her full-time caregiver for eight years, with some help from her son who is my husband. Six months ago, she moved into a care home in a town where her daughter, “Sue,” lives. Now, “Sue’s” life has changed and she needs to move. This care home is 50 miles from any other family member’s home.

“Sue” is evading any talk about what to do with Mom. We need to discuss this with her, and the other daughter and son. I can’t take on the full-time care again, so another care center close to one of us is the best idea. The family acts like the issue will just go away. I suppose it’s some kind of denial.  I am unsure how to go about tactfully setting up a family meeting. Any suggestions will be gratefully received. Glorianna

Dear Glorianna: Family meetings can be a very effective way to plan out elder care. I’m assuming that there’s a reason why your husband isn’t arranging the meeting, but if he’s just left it to you by default, press him to take over the helm. This is his family and his mother, and you shouldn’t have to shoulder the whole responsibility.

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