White House Conference on Aging Part 2: Help for Aging Boomers
Male Caregivers Need Unique Support

Elders May Use Complaints to Boost Sense of Control

StormywaterDear Carol: Over the last several years I’ve been helping my mother stay in her apartment but we finally decided together that she’d be safer in assisted living. I work a full week and she has mild memory issues so this seemed like a good solution. She never seemed pleased with our prior arrangement anyway, so I had high hopes for this move. Last month she moved into a lovely assisted living facility but she’s still complaining. Before, I never could do anything right. Now the staff is terrible and I’m no better. All I want is for Mom to be somewhat content. She was never an easy person to live with, but she was a decent mother. What can I do to improve her mood?  E.A.C.

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I'm so glad that reading this showed you that you have company. It sounds as though your dad's death tipped your mom's mental health - maybe into dementia territory.

Here are a couple of other articles that may help:

Setting boundaries: https://www.agingcare.com/Articles/setting-boundaries-with-parents-who-are-abusive-142804.htm

Cargivers are abused:

Take care of yourself,

Wow! My mom was NEVER a complainer but over the past seven years since my dad died (& I had to do cpr on him) my mom complains to EVERYONE about me! I'm an only child & have only my husband for help. We have 17 year old twins & she has destroyed my relationship with my own kids. They love their grandmother very much & lost their other 3 grandparents in a 9 month time period in 4th grade & endured a big move & transition to twins not being in the same classroom at school. Just last night, her only sibling she still speaks to called me furious because she told him things in a fashion that sounded liked she had been neglected! She's always been a very honest person & her complaints about me, my husband & even her only two very beloved granddaughters, have alienated me from most of my family! She stopped speaking to most of her lifelong friends & I read this post & felt so connected to the content & emotion involved! I'm encouraged to continue reading more articles about this & perhaps share with family members so they can understand where her complaints are actually coming from! Thank you so much!

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