Dear Carol: Over the last several years I’ve been helping my mother stay in her apartment but we finally decided together that she’d be safer in assisted living. I work a full week and she has mild memory issues so this seemed like a good solution. She never seemed pleased with our prior arrangement anyway, so I had high hopes for this move. Last month she moved into a lovely assisted living facility but she’s still complaining. Before, I never could do anything right. Now the staff is terrible and I’m no better. All I want is for Mom to be somewhat content. She was never an easy person to live with, but she was a decent mother. What can I do to improve her mood? E.A.C.
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I'm so glad that reading this showed you that you have company. It sounds as though your dad's death tipped your mom's mental health - maybe into dementia territory.
Here are a couple of other articles that may help:
Wow! My mom was NEVER a complainer but over the past seven years since my dad died (& I had to do cpr on him) my mom complains to EVERYONE about me! I'm an only child & have only my husband for help. We have 17 year old twins & she has destroyed my relationship with my own kids. They love their grandmother very much & lost their other 3 grandparents in a 9 month time period in 4th grade & endured a big move & transition to twins not being in the same classroom at school. Just last night, her only sibling she still speaks to called me furious because she told him things in a fashion that sounded liked she had been neglected! She's always been a very honest person & her complaints about me, my husband & even her only two very beloved granddaughters, have alienated me from most of my family! She stopped speaking to most of her lifelong friends & I read this post & felt so connected to the content & emotion involved! I'm encouraged to continue reading more articles about this & perhaps share with family members so they can understand where her complaints are actually coming from! Thank you so much!
I'm so glad that reading this showed you that you have company. It sounds as though your dad's death tipped your mom's mental health - maybe into dementia territory.
Here are a couple of other articles that may help:
Setting boundaries: https://www.agingcare.com/Articles/setting-boundaries-with-parents-who-are-abusive-142804.htm
Cargivers are abused:
http://www.healthcentral.com/alzheimers/c/62/145404/caregivers-abuse
Take care of yourself,
Carol
Posted by: Carol Bradley Bursack | Wednesday, July 22, 2015 at 06:16 AM
Wow! My mom was NEVER a complainer but over the past seven years since my dad died (& I had to do cpr on him) my mom complains to EVERYONE about me! I'm an only child & have only my husband for help. We have 17 year old twins & she has destroyed my relationship with my own kids. They love their grandmother very much & lost their other 3 grandparents in a 9 month time period in 4th grade & endured a big move & transition to twins not being in the same classroom at school. Just last night, her only sibling she still speaks to called me furious because she told him things in a fashion that sounded liked she had been neglected! She's always been a very honest person & her complaints about me, my husband & even her only two very beloved granddaughters, have alienated me from most of my family! She stopped speaking to most of her lifelong friends & I read this post & felt so connected to the content & emotion involved! I'm encouraged to continue reading more articles about this & perhaps share with family members so they can understand where her complaints are actually coming from! Thank you so much!
Posted by: Trumancat | Tuesday, July 21, 2015 at 09:03 PM