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What Did Your Mom Have Right - or Wrong?

Age Shouldn't Determine If Elder Needs Facility Care

AgingWomanCreditdamir-bosnjak-366766-unsplash (2)Dear Carol: I’ve been reading a lot about when if/when it’s time to force a parent into some kind of care. Your position seems to be that it’s the older adult’s decision unless there is dementia present. I can see that working at 70, but my mom is 90. She’s mentally sharp and still likes her home and her garden but she refuses extra help except for hiring lawn care, snow removal, and grocery delivery. She gave up driving on her own but she is adamant about not wanting to move to assisted living. At what age do adult children finally say enough and use our Power of Attorney to force a move? BT

Read full column on Inforum about what to do with Mom who wants to stay home:

Photo credit Damir Bosnjak: Unsplash

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Amen, Gloria! Well said.

I'm 62, work in care communities and would never want to live in one. They can be beautiful, great for people who need help, and provide social activities for people who are lonely. If your Mom is alert, has her days occupied in the many she enjoys, then she should is an adult with the right to choose. Snow shoveling - hey that would be ok with me at any age - but moving NO!
Remember, you love your adult parent they way they love their adult children. Any parent would say, "If my children stay home where I can watch them, decide where they can go each day, who they can be with, when they can drive etc. I'll feel better and they will be safe." No, parents have to let adult children live on their own and make their own decisions. Adult children have to do the same. Both with exceptions for medical care - not just to make either side feel worry free. In truth, worry free does not exist for anyone on this planet.

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