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Sibling Caregiving Criticism Ramped Up Over Holiday Visits


Photo credit Sharon McCutchen

Dear Carol: My 93-year-old mother lives in a nursing home and I visit her several times during the work week, more over the weekends. She seems as content as she is capable of being and she’s getting excellent care. My two siblings only visit Mom for the holidays. I understand this since they are each on different coasts and traveling is both time-consuming and expensive. What’s hard to handle is their pressure to have me take Mom into my home. They seem unable to grasp the idea that I can’t give her the care that she needs while I’m working, and we don’t have the money to hire 24/7 in-home help. They stay in motels when they’re here and we get together at the nursing home for holiday meals. This meal can be fun, but afterward, while Mom is resting, they start to pressure me. I’m nearly sick over the thought of going through this whole ordeal one more time, and I’m running out of the willingness to keep explaining reality to them. Do I somehow owe them more?–  PE

Read the full column on Inforum about how this caregiver struggles to cope under criticism from siblings:

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Del Ezzy, that is an excellent suggestion for the writer. I'll pass it on.
Thank you!

An excellent idea would be to use the time of their visit as a time to take a trip away so they can see just how much they take your loving care of your mum for granted. As it is they consider their lives and priorities as being far more important than yours. It will be a gentle way for you to exercise a gentle reminder to them that you have wants and needs..
At her age your mother has nursing needs that you could not provide from your home. Your needs are important too.

Thank you for adding your comments! I'll make certain that the writer sees what you said.
Take care,

I am sorry you have to deal with siblings who don't get it. I know from experience!

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