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Photo credit Adam Niescioruk

 Dear Carol: I dearly love my husband who is 81. This is a second marriage for both of us, but we’ve been married 23 happy years. Now, my beloved is dying from cancer. He has other health challenges including emphysema and he’s made his peace. All that he wants now is pain relief so we’ve been working with hospice to provide what they can. His grown children, who’ve seen little of him, have become aggressive in pushing their religious view that teaches that people must take advantage of every medical procedure possible to sustain life. Their view is that God will take him when God is ready. His doctors say that while they could perform more “procedures,” none of them will do anything but worsen his quality of life. I hate fighting with them, but I will agree to whatever he wants and there is no hesitation in this decision. According to the children, I’m a witch because I can’t persuade him otherwise. Please tell other grown children to never, ever do this to their parents. It’s cruel and unfair. TR

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Thank you, Tina, for your lovely response. I'll make sure that the writer sees this.

Thank you for sharing your story and struggle in a such a difficult season of life. Reading what the children are doing hurts my heart. I want to encourage you to stay the course your husband and you have chosen and know you are honoring him first. The kids will need to resolve the discomfort about this on their own. From someone who care for a parent, it always feels as if I'm in a darned if you do, darned if you don't position when it comes decision making. Hospice is wonderful. They allow you to just be his wife and gives back time to spend just being with him. I pray for the coming days for each of you and that his passing would be pain free and full of love.

Blessing, Tina

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