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Coping with the Guilt of Placing a Loved One in a Home

Feisty Mom Refuses Daughter's Care

MotherDaughter1GettyImages-1058803964(Carol is the Candid Caregiver) Dear...My 79-year-old mom has been widowed for a little over a year. She’d always depended on Dad to help her because her arthritis limited her movement and she uses a walker much of the time. Now, though, there’s been a complete change in attitude, and she insists that she can take care of everything herself, even physical tasks that are clearly a challenge. I’m not certain whether she’s trying to prove something or if it has something to do with Dad’s death. Whatever her reasoning, I worry about her. I can’t be with her all the time, so I want to help make her home safer, wherever that home may be. Unfortunately, my efforts to help her either upgrade her current home so that’s it’s safe for her to stay there — or else move to a senior living complex — are either met with anger or silence. I keep telling her that I love her and it hurts me to see her risking her life because of a fall that needn’t happen. Her doctor says that her mind is fine so she can make her own choices, though he, too, would like to see her upgrade for safety. How do I break down her defenses? ~ Mom’s Keeper

Dear Mom’s Keeper: You sound like a caring daughter with understandable concerns. If it’s...

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