Entries categorized "AskCarol" Feed

...I’m a strong believer in families being realistic. Your parents should have a Power of Attorney for health care with a health directive or living will. This is the document where people assign someone else to make decisions for them should they become unable to do so. They should Read more →

...When you begin the talks, generalize. Mention a wonderful new assisted living that your friend’s mother just moved into. Mention some exciting new upgrades to in-home bathrooms that are actually good for everyone’s safety. Then, turn the conversation elsewhere. Read more →

Dear WR: This is so sad for your mom and frustrating for you. It’s true that drugs can cause the symptoms that you mentioned, including paranoia, so any new drugs should be considered when there are changes in behavior. What makes your sister’s interference wrong isn’t questioning your mom’s medications, but calling Read more →

...From there, Maureen went on to the topic of caregiver self-care. I told her that we go into caregiving - often just gradually providing a little care here and there - thinking this is short-term. For most people, the caregiving tasks increase and last much longer than anticipated. I now know that I should have taken better care of myself from the start but as the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20. Read more →

...People who post this type of advice mean well. Perhaps, they live in a locale where nursing homes are truly neglectful, whether due to lack of funding, lack of staffing, or both. Or they may have seen or heard about poor facility care Read more →

...Some of the cuts you make are obvious. If you’ve been volunteering significant time to a fun project, but it’s not one of your life’s priorities, you may need to take a break. Other relationships aren’t so easily altered, so hurt feelings — and even marriage problems — can arise. First, try to breathe, and next, Read more →

...Get rid of perfectionism. I know that I can be more stressed than I need to be simply because I think I have to do everything right now and do it perfectly. Likely you are similar. Read more →

...My first step is to answer the writer’s email providing whatever comfort and resources I can. Then, depending on their question, I’ll consider the topic in view of the column to decide Read more →

...t is so hard to see our parents get older. As they become more physically and/or cognitively challenged, it’s only natural to wish we could take away their struggles. We can offer love and support. We can do our best to anticipate and meet their needs. But, we can’t take away Read more →

...This wall was cluttered with both real and fake accomplishments, but I knew I would need to find room for more. Dad's broken brain would tell him he had earned something else and eventually I would need to produce it. Read more →