There is no one-size-fits-all solution to this painful situation. In all my years of caring for seniors and interacting with other caregivers, I’ve learned a great deal from my experiences and others’ caregiving journeys. Keep in mind that the “right” approach depends on a few different factors and will often vary from day to day. Read more →

Dear KH: You sound like a loving, compassionate person and I’m sorry that you were treated in such a callous way. Even though your friend has had a much easier time with her parents, she could have offered empathy. Unfortunately, she chose to judge you. It seems that she’s misinterpreting Read more →

Dear LP: I’m sorry about your dad’s death and your family’s grief. Our current situation obviously makes this exponentially harder for all of you. Your mom’s been responding like many who’ve lost longtime partner, though we can hope that time will ease her pain enough so that she can again find some enjoyment in daily life. Sadly, our need to socially isolate is making her ability to find that meaning in life much harder. Read more →

Dear Mom’s Keeper: You sound like a caring daughter with understandable concerns. If it’s any comfort, parents resisting help is a common problem faced by adult children. For some, the concern is about cognitive problems, which thankfully isn’t an issue here, but each requires a somewhat different approach. You, along with most adult children, want to see your mother stay safe. Read more →

Each time I walked into Dad’s room in the nursing home, he would be rigid in bed, propped up on one elbow and slamming his other fist against his upturned palm. Pow! Pow! Pow! Over and over, he pounded fist against hand. Read more →

...He was struggling to breathe, yet pleaded with me to not insert the breathing tube and to let him die. The cardiologist was scared to do it. With a voice coming from above saying, “Let My People Go!” I honored the man’s wishes. I tremble every time I read this passage. Read more →

Dear RE: I’m sorry that you and your dad are having trouble communicating after his stroke. This is common, but that doesn’t make it easier. My uncle had similar problems, so I do have some understanding of how you’re feeling. Read more →

Dear VF: I’m sorry about your dad. This is a hard time for both you and your mom. You raise valid concerns about your mom making this decision so soon after losing your dad. Read more →

Dear VB: My heartfelt condolences to your whole family. It has to be difficult for you to concentrate on your mother’s grief while you deal with your own, yet you are sensitive to what she’s going through, which says a lot about you. Read more →

Dad's dementia taught me what it was to both grieve immediately the loss of the man as he was before surgery, yet feel gratitude for having him alive. Read more →