...This wall was cluttered with both real and fake accomplishments, but I knew I would need to find room for more. Dad's broken brain would tell him he had earned something else and eventually I would need to produce it. Read more →

...This is admirable yet unrealistic thinking. Recent research shows that the average duration of caregiving is a whopping 4.5 years. As time goes by and our loved ones’ care needs mount, we find ourselves spread thinner and thinner. Eventually, we are forced to admit that we can’t raise our families, work our jobs, care for ourselves and provide full-time hands-on care over the long term. So, we regretfully start looking into other options. They need more care than we can single-handedly provide, so we start by making some kind of change to their care plan such as hiring in-home care or enrolling them in adult day care. Read more →

"...But, I have also seen miracles take place, ending long-festering anger or avoidance. However, this is only possible when both people are willing to be vulnerable to each other Read more →

...With my aunt's blessing, I ​went to my son’s concert and, yes,​ she died during that exact time. I’m grateful I didn’t have to make that choice alone; as a former opera singer, Marion loved music and I felt her approval as I watched my son’s concert Read more →

...It is worth mentioning that some people are too hard on themselves. The term “caregiver” means many different things to different people. In fact, some people don’t even identify as caregivers even though they alone manage and provide all aspects of a loved one’s care. Read more →

...My employer allowed me to take vacation time by the hour, so I hoarded every bit I could for use during emergencies and for medical appointments for those in my care. I shopped as though I was preparing for a disaster, buying multiples of anything my loved Read more →

Dear AL: My uncle developed aphasia after a string of strokes, so I understand how this breaks your heart. You want your dad to know it’s all right that he’s having trouble. You want to help. Mostly, you want him to stop blaming himself. These words from my book illustrate Read more →

By the time we reach middle age, our mother or mother figure may begin showing signs of needing assistance. This shift in the relationship dynamic can be confusing for even the most tenderly raised adult child. For those who were neglected or abused Read more →

Dear BC: One word. Go. You’ve more than earned this time away. That said, I understand your feelings. During a time when I had several older adults dependent to various degrees on my care, I had an opportunity to visit a close friend Read more →

...They had already weeded out many of their belongings in the first move, but there was still so much to be done. Each of my loved ones made their last moves to a nursing home, which meant there was very limited space for furniture. We donated Read more →