Entries categorized "Minding Our Elders Column" Feed

Dear MH: I can only imagine your worry about how your mom’s care is going. Even without this lockdown preventing visitors and the very real threat of a COVID outbreak in care facilities caregivers have always worried if their loved one is receiving hands-on care that works with their unique needs. Read more →


Dear KF: Your wife’s diagnosis came at such a young age that the surprise alone had to be incomprehensible. I’m so sorry that you two must face this, and you are not wrong to feel that your lives took a terrible turn. One of the confusing things about dementia is that it’s different for nearly everyone. Some people progress quickly, then plateau and live quite well, albeit with assistance. Read more →


Dear KH: You sound like a loving, compassionate person and I’m sorry that you were treated in such a callous way. Even though your friend has had a much easier time with her parents, she could have offered empathy. Unfortunately, she chose to judge you. It seems that she’s misinterpreting Read more →


Dear LH: Your mother is fortunate to have you to watch over her care. Like you, I think that any older adult is likely to feel abandoned if the family moves them to a new living environment and then just leaves without visiting for two weeks. Additionally, people like your mom need an advocate and that advocate must be an obvious, though friendly, presence from the beginning. Read more →


Dear PR: Your parents aren’t alone in coming to a sudden recognition about the need for having the right documents in place for this extraordinary time. They may have refused in the past, fearing as many do that acknowledging Read more →


Dear LY: You have my sympathy in your battle with both of these potentially disabling diseases. It’s sad that your mother can’t acknowledge your health challenges, but that’s who she is and that’s not likely to change. This means that it’s up to you to enforce limits that protect your own health regardless of her attitude. Read more →


Dear DS: Congratulations for having proactive parents! Having the legal documents in place can offer significant peace of mind for many end-of-life issues that older adults and their family members need to address. From your letter, it appears to me that you could benefit Read more →


Dear BU: Your dad is an example of someone who chose assisted living in part because of the community aspect and the availability of having nearly unending opportunities for dining and interesting activities. Now that easy socialization is gone and even the family can’t visit. My heart goes out to everyone in this situation. Read more →


It infuriates me when they send links to articles that can “help me manage things better.” They even send articles to help me relax and not be so “uptight.” Last week, after I unloaded more than a little anger on my sister, she told me, flat out, that if I only went over once a week Mom and Dad would still be fine so I’m just making work for myself. Read more →


Dear LP: I’m sorry about your dad’s death and your family’s grief. Our current situation obviously makes this exponentially harder for all of you. Your mom’s been responding like many who’ve lost longtime partner, though we can hope that time will ease her pain enough so that she can again find some enjoyment in daily life. Sadly, our need to socially isolate is making her ability to find that meaning in life much harder. Read more →