Entries categorized "Reflections" Feed

...Now your parents both need help. Lots of help. Your kids still need you. Your spouse needs you. You feel like everyone wants a piece of you. You feel angry and that leads to guilt. Why does this feel so unfair? And where is the will to celebrate? What’s a caregiver to do? Read more →


Each year after Thanksgiving, I would make my rounds, decorating each elder’s apartment or nursing home room, planning how we would split our time between the visits, and striving to meet everyone’s needs. The guilt over taking so much time from my kids ate at me. The guilt over my mother not having the Christmas celebration she so coveted ate at me. My mother-in-law did not seem to care... Read more →


You may be juggling these things yourself in addition to caring for your folks. This is the unfortunate reality for many caregivers who are looking after their parents. Most of the caregiving responsibilities fall to one adult child—typically the one who lives closest to Mom and Dad... Read more →


Energy and mobility levels often decrease, resulting in feelings of lost independence and opportunities. Neighborhoods change over time, leaving even those well enough to remain in their own homes feeling lonely... Read more →


I tried to be aware of the losses they felt as their bodies and minds betrayed them. Sometimes I failed at this, but nobody is perfect. I tried to be sensitive to the fact that they had few real choices they could make and allow the freedom to make their own decisions whenever possible. I tried to be as tactful as possible... Read more →


However, if you have the courage to stay in the valley and hold your attention in this descent, then you will say good bye to that which you were, before the trauma of loss, and go forward into the unknown half of yourself, that is unlived … the shadow... Read more →


“I didn’t know what I was doing,” Harris said. “You hear about brands and expect them to perform but everyone was frustrated with the leakage and frequent changes. Lots of bed changes, too. The facility would contact me when they needed more supplies... Read more →


The idea that our parents who were our anchors in life becoming dependent on us can be frightening, so your reaction is understandable. You’re fortunate that your parents have been proactive about their legal work since that part is vital. Even with the legal work in place, though... Read more →


“I didn’t know what I was doing,” Harris said. “You hear about national brands and expect them to perform but everyone was frustrated with the lack of quality that resulted in leakage and frequent changes. Lots of bed changes, too. The facility would contact me when they needed more supplies... Read more →


“I’m worried about her safety and have been telling her for several years that she needs help,” she continues. “I’m not proud to say that I’ve stooped to yelling at her, but I have done it. I hate the thought of her falling and not having help, and I also think she’d be happier with more company. There’s a nice assisted living close by me ... Read more →