Entries categorized "Reflections" Feed

Dear KH: You sound like a loving, compassionate person and I’m sorry that you were treated in such a callous way. Even though your friend has had a much easier time with her parents, she could have offered empathy. Unfortunately, she chose to judge you. It seems that she’s misinterpreting Read more →


Insisting you are right because, well, you know better. You don’t have dementia. People living with dementia (PLWD) have an increasingly limited ability to understand the world as we see it. Therefore, we need to learn to see the world from their view. Read more →


Dear LY: You have my sympathy in your battle with both of these potentially disabling diseases. It’s sad that your mother can’t acknowledge your health challenges, but that’s who she is and that’s not likely to change. This means that it’s up to you to enforce limits that protect your own health regardless of her attitude. Read more →


Dear DS: Congratulations for having proactive parents! Having the legal documents in place can offer significant peace of mind for many end-of-life issues that older adults and their family members need to address. From your letter, it appears to me that you could benefit Read more →


Dear SU: You’re in a tough spot, and you have my deepest sympathy. Since I’ve been in your shoes, I can understand your need to “fix” this. Sadly, your choices may be limited. Could an antidepressant help? Possibly. It’s something to mention to her doctor. Considering your mother’s age as well as her physical condition, you may want to temper your expectations, though. Read more →


Coronavirus Pandemic Has Caregivers Searching for Answers

I can only imagine your terror if your parents are newly placed in a facility where they haven’t yet been able to settle in, or perhaps worse if they are in a facility that you don’t trust at the best of times. You’ll have to do what we all must at this time and make your best decision based on your personal circumstances. Hard. Incredibly hard. Read more →


It infuriates me when they send links to articles that can “help me manage things better.” They even send articles to help me relax and not be so “uptight.” Last week, after I unloaded more than a little anger on my sister, she told me, flat out, that if I only went over once a week Mom and Dad would still be fine so I’m just making work for myself. Read more →


Dear PN: You are smart to consider these questions now since there’s time to create a plan with your parents’ input. Most people are limited caregivers long before they even consider this question and this is true in your case. From your note, I gather that you’ve at least been “on-call” for quite some time, and you and your husband have been available for some chores at the very least. However, you also show respect for your parents’ independence and I applaud you for that. Read more →


f a loved one who used to wear makeup, bathe regularly or refuse to don a wrinkled shirt suddenly stops taking care of themselves, it’s wise to rule out depression first. A simple checkup with a doctor is a good idea, especially if low energy seems to be part of this change in behavior or they just don’t seem to be interested in much of anything anymore. Read more →


I frequently get e-mails from people whose siblings are happy to let them step up to the plate and handle all of their parents’ care. Yet these same siblings put up a fight when the primary caregivers wish to make changes to the care plan that require even the smallest amount of money. Read more →